All superheroes are phalluses, only some are more phallic than others. Some penises have names. Some don't. Regardless, it just so happens that many superhero names also make perfect penis names. Some names work differently than others (Invisible Girl, Puny Banner), others work eerily well. What follows is a scientific survey.
The Top Ten
10. Iron Man (alternate: Shellhead)
9. Black Panther
8. The Thing
7. The Human Torch
6. Mr. Fantastic (alternate: Stretcho)
5. General Thunderbolt Ross
4. Doc Samson
3. Mjolnir
2. Cyclops (alternate: Scott Summers)
1. Jarvis
This is just such a great cover, with the penis-like Jarvis brandishing a vacuum cleaner, Thor polishing his hammer, the red-faced and rock-hard Vision rears up above all, and The Beast crouching at crotch level with a knowing look in his eye: the cover fairly screams, "This comic is about penises!"
(Spider-Man villains also make great penis names, with The Vulture being a shoe-in for #1.)
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